When I started my business, I knew that I would learn a lot. But I never anticipated learning so much about people's fears, both real and imagined, and how to help unblock those fears.
Something that often comes up in my Pre-Interview sessions with clients are the topics we want to avoid when interviewing their loved one. These are usually the subjects my client thinks are taboo or might somehow "break" their parent or grandparent. While I am always sensitive and follow my clients' wishes, I sometimes find that the topics they ask me to avoid come out in the interview naturally. Sometimes, talking about difficult subjects in the context of storytelling can be therapeutic and not as shattering as some people might think.
What has surprised me most is the great deal of resistance I sometimes get from my older interviewees who do not wish to be filmed. Their reasons have no bounds. They think its "silly" or not worth their time. "Who needs to hear my stories?" they say.
The real reason behind their reluctance? Often it's about not wanting to put themselves in a vulnerable position. Especially with older subjects, I've found that people of that generation aren't used to reflecting on the meaning behind their life events. It just wasn't part of their culture growing up, and therefore they find it uncomfortable.
What I try to stress to my clients to help combat this resistance is to share with their parents (or grandparents) that by learning their stories, you can better understand your own life story.
A quick example: My husband and his father both revere Syracuse basketball. I thought it was just a "guy thing." Then I interviewed his father Jon, who told me all about how his father once played for the Syracuse basketball team. Jon himself was the manager and announcer for games. I realized their passion was more than the average sports fan. Syracuse basketball for them was steeped in family tradition--a bond between father and son that has been passed down for generations--a much bigger deal than I'd ever imagined.
So what are some ways of breaking through that resistance to get someone to talk on camera? Here are a few real examples that have worked for my clients.
• The guilt trip. I had a client whose father was a Holocaust survivor and had refused for years to share his story. She finally demanded that he do it, not for himself or her, but for his grandchildren. Something about doing it for the grandchildren made him relent.
• Feeling glamorous. I often hear from older women that they don't like the way they look. They don't look the way they used to and don't want to be remembered like this. So I suggest they go to the beauty parlor. Get their hair done, their make-up done, and put on an outfit that's going to make them feel fabulous! And then forget about the camera and focus on the story. Just making someone feel glamorous will help get them more comfortable.
• Relax. Do whatever it takes to help them relax. One client took a Valium before her interview--just enough to help herself relax and be at ease with the camera. Other clients have had a glass of wine beforehand.
• Focus on the Audio. Sometimes people are so intimidated by the camera that they would rather just have the audio portion recorded. While I prefer to have both audio and video, the most important thing is to have them share their story. You can always edit the audio with old photos to create a visually appealing story.
• Reading Old Letters or Journals. This is a last resort. Though I'd much prefer to hear someone's natural story unfold during an interview, sometimes people are more comfortable with a prepared statement. If you can't get someone to agree to be interviewed, and they are comfortable reading something they've already written, at least you will have captured their voice and image on camera for generations to come. And it just might relax them enough to share more after the reading.
• Work With a Professional. Or someone that's a non-family member. I say this because recently, I had my toughest case yet. An 85-year-old woman who had been adamant about not being on camera, or even having her voice recorded, for the past 5 months. So we had decided her husband would tell all of their stories. And yet, somehow, after my being there for a few hours interviewing her husband, she decided she would talk to me on camera for just a few minutes. She ended up sharing her stories in a beautiful 90-minute interview!! We're still not entirely sure what made her suddenly change her mind, but my guess is because I was a professional, and NOT at all related to her, that it became more comfortable, and of greater importance, sharing her stories with me. (She also likely didn't want to be upstaged by her husband!)
Whatever you do, remember that the most important thing is to capture someone telling their stories, however you can.
DMB Pictures is a boutique video production company specializing in producing broadcast-quality personal stories for families, non-profits and small businesses. The company opened its doors in January 2006 led by Debbie Mintz Brodsky, a three-time Emmy Award-winning television producer with more than 20 years of experience.
Visit us at http://www.dmbpictures.com/
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